The sentence appears to me to be correct. You just have to track the parallel structure properly and supply the understood element: “?…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “˜About Us’ page begins to smell bad and [begins to] try to bite your face.”?
I suspect that you were thinking it should read so: “?…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “˜About Us’ page begins to smell bad and TRIES to bite your face.”? That would have sounded nice, too.
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Andrew Banks
For those of you begging for more about this, and maybe some clout to take to your bosses, read William Zinnser’s On Writing Well. It’s up there with Strunk and White’s Elements of Style.
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Sam Murphy
I agree totally about good succinct writing, but not all websites are for selling or even communicating. I only reviewed the first example, no contract or sale would ever come or be expected to come from the site. It is for some kind of big contracting firm that would discover, lobby and win bids via the old boy handshake network. The last thing that management wants is any real information on the site that could be used by a competitor. The site is excellent. Excellent for the purpose of being essentially a tombstone (as in financial industry).
Now one can argue whether such a companies business model is good, or even the moral/ethical issues for the existence of companies of such ilk. Does opaque prose serve the goals of the company? If so it may be a fully successful site: for the needs of that company. Organize a march up the mall against the military industrial complex, but for the workerbee sometimes obfuscation is a requirement.
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daniel donaldson
I would agree with Sam. The nuance that is missing in Erin’s response is that sites that use obscured content still communicate. The communication is not the content of the words, but the way that words are used. ‘Win-win’, ‘vertical market’, ‘qango’, ‘dime piece’ and ‘23 skidoo’ all convey the user’s comfort and familiarity with the private, shared speech of closed groups. The source of these phrases’ power is their arbitrary quality, so once a closed group realizes that those outside their circle have picked up on the term, they always lose power. That may be when they need to be excised. But don’t be surprised if clients insist on what seems murky text. This is based on work I’ve done with international aid organizations, banks, ministries and the music industry over the past decade.
incidentally, this is closely related to ideas about why jokes work: they also always presuppose knowledge of a situation or characteristic of a thing, and if you don’t have that knowledge, the joke doesn’t work. Simplifying a joke by explaining the context robs it of its power, too.
I’m reminded of George Orwell’s famous essay “Politics and the English Language”. The essay was written in 1946, but it still rings true today. Perhaps more true today, as publishing anything (mindless or otherwise) is as simple as pushing “submit”.
<nitpick>
“…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “About Us” page begins to smell bad and try to bite your face.”
Shouldn’t “try” be “tries”?
</nitpick>
Excellent article. I’ve worked on academic sites where the text could easily have been produced by the Postmodernism Generator
[http://www.elsewhere.org/cgi-bin/postmodern/]; I’ve attacked more than my fair share of zombies. Thanks for both a laugh and an acknowledgement of zombie copy.
I’ve been guilty of shuffling down dark hallways in the past. But I couldn’t resist a rant when I came across “this babble”:http://teamaskins.net/pivot/entry.php?id=103 on a website (the link will take you to the rant on my blog – not the original text).
Reminds me of “another article”:http://www.alistapart.com/articles/hammers/
“And when everything was set … they had someone find a writer to fill in the blank spaces with words.”
Only it wasn’t a writer, was it? It was Larry, from marketing, with the candlestick in the board room.
Please don’t consider the writing articles on A List Apart just for the web. Zombies have been around since before truth-in-advertising laws, when the Internet was a twinkle in Al Gore’s eyes. For best results, apply anti-fluff to all written media.
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Greg Burghardt
I just got done with a discussion about using “Value Added Services” in our site’s main nav. I was given this link to a definition of VAS (http://www.mobilein.com/what_is_a_VAS.htm) and the first item that describes Value Added Services reads:
“Not a form of basic service but rather adds value total service offering”
I am always so pleased to see articles on ALA written by women – especially when they are as smart, well-written, and engaging as this one – great job!
Can you imagine having to translate some of this copy?
As an English > Italian translator I am faced with text like this day after day after day, written by some copywriter who tried to hide the paucity of real substance with trendy-sounding words and expressions.
Translating helps to get to the substance of text. The real meaning hidden behind the screen, the plaster under the gilding.
Great article, I think this says it all: “You can keep copy from turning zombie by starting with a clear idea of exactly what you want to say”, yes, keep it simple, something so basic that people often forget.
Much of the web is like this due to SEO Copywriters. I always work with a decent copywriter. Despite English being my first language I can never get sentences to flow. It’s broken English I guess. I think it is something I work on.
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Jason Cathcart
Curious, I ventured off in search of Patient #226 and found his evil twin, or Frankenstein. It appears one corporate entity shotgunned the other’s marketingbabble on top of their product. It was bad enough the first time, but the second site’s version is so badly sewn together, it obviously came later.
A world-class article, whose author should be incentivized for her conceptualization of the synergistic dynamic generated by the win-win, value-added benefits of refusing not to think outside of the box in any way, shape or form.
Any extemporaneous attempts to be magniloquent when in reality you are merely obfuscating the most seminal points of your intended meaning represents literary disaster. Clarity, brevity and unambiguous offerings, however, are the very soul of fine writing and should be employed in perpetuum.
41 Reader Comments
Back to the ArticleSteve Pugh
Am I misreading things, or is there a grammatical error in the sentence quoted in the snapshot?
Clare Dunkle
The sentence appears to me to be correct. You just have to track the parallel structure properly and supply the understood element: “?…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “˜About Us’ page begins to smell bad and [begins to] try to bite your face.”?
I suspect that you were thinking it should read so: “?…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “˜About Us’ page begins to smell bad and TRIES to bite your face.”? That would have sounded nice, too.
Andrew Banks
For those of you begging for more about this, and maybe some clout to take to your bosses, read William Zinnser’s On Writing Well. It’s up there with Strunk and White’s Elements of Style.
Sam Murphy
I agree totally about good succinct writing, but not all websites are for selling or even communicating. I only reviewed the first example, no contract or sale would ever come or be expected to come from the site. It is for some kind of big contracting firm that would discover, lobby and win bids via the old boy handshake network. The last thing that management wants is any real information on the site that could be used by a competitor. The site is excellent. Excellent for the purpose of being essentially a tombstone (as in financial industry).
Now one can argue whether such a companies business model is good, or even the moral/ethical issues for the existence of companies of such ilk. Does opaque prose serve the goals of the company? If so it may be a fully successful site: for the needs of that company. Organize a march up the mall against the military industrial complex, but for the workerbee sometimes obfuscation is a requirement.
daniel donaldson
I would agree with Sam. The nuance that is missing in Erin’s response is that sites that use obscured content still communicate. The communication is not the content of the words, but the way that words are used. ‘Win-win’, ‘vertical market’, ‘qango’, ‘dime piece’ and ‘23 skidoo’ all convey the user’s comfort and familiarity with the private, shared speech of closed groups. The source of these phrases’ power is their arbitrary quality, so once a closed group realizes that those outside their circle have picked up on the term, they always lose power. That may be when they need to be excised. But don’t be surprised if clients insist on what seems murky text. This is based on work I’ve done with international aid organizations, banks, ministries and the music industry over the past decade.
incidentally, this is closely related to ideas about why jokes work: they also always presuppose knowledge of a situation or characteristic of a thing, and if you don’t have that knowledge, the joke doesn’t work. Simplifying a joke by explaining the context robs it of its power, too.
Ryan Hayes
I’m reminded of George Orwell’s famous essay “Politics and the English Language”. The essay was written in 1946, but it still rings true today. Perhaps more true today, as publishing anything (mindless or otherwise) is as simple as pushing “submit”.
http://www.resort.com/~prime8/Orwell/patee.html
Nikolay Spassov
I agree with the author, but “HuhCorp”:http://huhcorp.com/ do it nice. :-)
Ruth BenDor
<nitpick>
“…the zombification progresses so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until your “About Us” page begins to smell bad and try to bite your face.”
Shouldn’t “try” be “tries”?
</nitpick>
Excellent article. I’ve worked on academic sites where the text could easily have been produced by the Postmodernism Generator
[http://www.elsewhere.org/cgi-bin/postmodern/]; I’ve attacked more than my fair share of zombies. Thanks for both a laugh and an acknowledgement of zombie copy.
Ben Askins
I’ve been guilty of shuffling down dark hallways in the past. But I couldn’t resist a rant when I came across “this babble”:http://teamaskins.net/pivot/entry.php?id=103 on a website (the link will take you to the rant on my blog – not the original text).
Michael Smith
Reminds me of “another article”:http://www.alistapart.com/articles/hammers/
“And when everything was set … they had someone find a writer to fill in the blank spaces with words.”
Only it wasn’t a writer, was it? It was Larry, from marketing, with the candlestick in the board room.
Please don’t consider the writing articles on A List Apart just for the web. Zombies have been around since before truth-in-advertising laws, when the Internet was a twinkle in Al Gore’s eyes. For best results, apply anti-fluff to all written media.
Greg Burghardt
I just got done with a discussion about using “Value Added Services” in our site’s main nav. I was given this link to a definition of VAS (http://www.mobilein.com/what_is_a_VAS.htm) and the first item that describes Value Added Services reads:
“Not a form of basic service but rather adds value total service offering”
I just had to laugh and grab my ax…
Aileen Corr
of the Transitive Vampire. Which is high praise.
Mani Sheriar
I am always so pleased to see articles on ALA written by women – especially when they are as smart, well-written, and engaging as this one – great job!
Lorenzo Martinelli
Can you imagine having to translate some of this copy?
As an English > Italian translator I am faced with text like this day after day after day, written by some copywriter who tried to hide the paucity of real substance with trendy-sounding words and expressions.
Translating helps to get to the substance of text. The real meaning hidden behind the screen, the plaster under the gilding.
Alexis Bellido
Great article, I think this says it all: “You can keep copy from turning zombie by starting with a clear idea of exactly what you want to say”, yes, keep it simple, something so basic that people often forget.
Gosh, I hate these zombies.
Johan De Silva
Much of the web is like this due to SEO Copywriters. I always work with a decent copywriter. Despite English being my first language I can never get sentences to flow. It’s broken English I guess. I think it is something I work on.
Jason Cathcart
Curious, I ventured off in search of Patient #226 and found his evil twin, or Frankenstein. It appears one corporate entity shotgunned the other’s marketingbabble on top of their product. It was bad enough the first time, but the second site’s version is so badly sewn together, it obviously came later.
Michael Straker
A world-class article, whose author should be incentivized for her conceptualization of the synergistic dynamic generated by the win-win, value-added benefits of refusing not to think outside of the box in any way, shape or form.
Dr Tim Thomas
Any extemporaneous attempts to be magniloquent when in reality you are merely obfuscating the most seminal points of your intended meaning represents literary disaster. Clarity, brevity and unambiguous offerings, however, are the very soul of fine writing and should be employed in perpetuum.
Brad Van Wick
Simply brilliant!
Brad Van Wick
Simply brilliant!